Wanting to appear

Most people act in line with how they want the world to perceive them. But I think there’s a thin line between wanting to be known for something and actually being that thing. You may think it’s huge, but it’s not in many of life’s domains—think scammers. Wanting too much to appear as something or someone risks becoming a fake copy of that personality or idea.

The people we associate certain personalities or qualities with didn’t have to prove it in their attempt to appear. It comes from a genuine place of being that manifests as an identity naturally associated with them.

It’s such a weird thing, really, because in today’s world, where everyone is chasing a personal brand, a lot of people do not know what it means to give up a false perception about themselves in order to pursue their true selves and identities.

Let’s start here: why do we do anything at all? Why do we help others? Why do we work so hard? Why do we want the limelight, and why do we avoid it? Every day, I find myself making countless decisions that stem from a need that can be difficult to fully understand. What is this need?

I know I’m going in circles, but I’ll explain. Let’s go over this with the basic concept of money. Everyone wants money—haha!

Now here’s where my thoughts over the last few weeks come together. If money is what I want, the best course of action is: get money. Pretty obvious, right? But it doesn’t end there for a lot of people. Sometimes, even when we haven’t gotten it, we still want to appear as someone who has money.

How does that help the cause of actually getting money? Oh, I know! In communities where wealth is valued over character, money brings you respect, and people idolize you, and we want that. I’m thinking, do we want the money or we want the “worship”? What do you really want?

Mark this, we lose sight of what truly makes us who we are when we focus too much on wanting to appear. And it goes way and far beyond money, if you’re catching on. It’s intelligence, kindness, confidence, happiness, success, creativity, originality, spirituality, productivity, and on and on.

The need to appear overshadows the genuine need to be, and you must be willing to give up the perception of mastery in order to chase that authentic version of yourself. What’s the point of appearing? Is it for social validation? To show off? Promotion? Social media likes? What’s the trophy of appearing? I reckon this is what the Ecclesiates calls vanity upon vanity.

The desire to act and do anything in life should be because the action itself is inherently satisfying or meaningful. Live for the quiet internal drive that doesn’t need external validation. Do nothing to appear a certain way to others, but because you’re driven by your own purpose and integrity. Chasing the things that bring genuine happiness, i.e., our innate desires and true selves, is what brings us deeper satisfaction in life.

On many days, I do not care how I’m perceived, even if that perception doesn’t reflect the truth. I write because on some days I’m caught up in my thoughts, and writing restructures them and brings clarity. It also stops my mind from spiralling, I don’t care who reads or sees this. I’m satisfied that I’m able to dig into my own mind, put words together, and make sense of myself.

Really and truly, there’s just too much to do to actively maintain perceptions through delibrate efforts or keep count of what perceptions people have of you. Be the person who writes because they love the craft, not to appear intellectual. Be the person who cultivates a skill for personal mastery and genuine growth, not public applause. Be the person who performs an act of kindness because it’s right, not because an audience is watching.

Acting from a place of innate desire answers the question “And then what?” that comes with chasing validation. The “what” is the act itself. The reward is an internal sense of integrity, peace, and self-worth. It’s a cue to knowing what you want from life and what you want to give back—a meaning to life, even.

This is a note to self about doing the right things for the right reasons, the freedom and power of letting go of the need to appear, and instead simply be.